So January 13,2006 is a date I’ll always remember, it is the day that I began my new life in another country! Honestly it was a Friday the 13th it was gray, it was rainy and it was cold! It fit my mood perfectly. After living close to family and friends that I grew up with and were surrounded by for 30 years of my life here I was in a new country, with four kids, a husband and baby number five on the way. I was sad, I missed home, I missed my parents, I missed my friends, I missed our home we had bought together and had to sale I missed my life! So here I was just my husband and my children and no friends or family around! There came the problems, the stress, the fights, the family blow outs these past four years has been very very trying on my family and on myself! I have sat here in England while friends back home have faced terrible losses, where I have lost people who meant a lot to me and I couldn’t even go say a final goodbye. My daddy had a quadrupole bypass and here I was in not so jolly old England well it wasn’t for me as I wished to be home to be with my father while he had his surgery I thank God every day he made it out and I was allowed my one more hello before I ever have to say my final goodbye I know one day I’ll have to face that heartbreak but I thank God that he has kept my family all there waiting on my return. I have faced spouses who are just mean and nasty who say and do some of the meanest things this isn’t the way I was raised I was raised to treat others as I would want to be treated, I was raised to respect everyone the same way I raise my children to be. Then there was the drama from our old neighborhood, strange men following the children around, someone trying to snatch my best friends daughter, threats made towards my then one year old by a local teenager and no one did a thing about it but oh my God don’t you dare have a family argument and be from another country cause they will be all up in your business! I’m not hating on anyone honestly I have met some awesome people here that I love dearly and yes I will miss them so much! I will also come back and visit them and they are welcome to come visit me but I’m just trying to express the drama and other nastiness we have experienced since moving here that has weighed me down I need to get it out some how! So after being here four years my family has been tested and it has been rough me and my husband argue regularly my eldest is depressed and has horrible mood swings I’m trying to deal with the fact she wants to go live with her father I love her and I’ve been her mommy since I was 19 years old, I’ve woke her up every morning, and told her good night every night, I’ve been there at every turn in her life and now I’m trying to let go and it hurts so bad I don’t want my baby to leave us but she doesn’t want to start over at a new high school and she has friends back home I’m trying to understand how she feels but honestly it’s breaking my heart and there is nothing I can do to keep her with me not one thing! Where we are from she can leave my home at 16 years of age as long as she has a responsible adult who will take charge of her and she’ll be 16 when we get back! I love her so much just as I love all my children and I can’t imagine a day without her. But being here has changed her it has changed all of us! But some how we have managed to hang on and are hoping for a brighter future. We have a house already set up for us so that has taken some stress off of us and my oldest will only be 2 hours away I suppose I should be thankful for that. At one point though being here I had found myself I was doing so good I was losing weight I weighed in at 301 and had gotten down to 240 pounds Oh my gosh I hadn’t weighed that much in ages! I was proud but I hit a brick wall with the weight loss! So I consulted my doctor and he sent me to a Endocrinologist out of Cambridge and this is where my weight loss stopped. I let him make me feel like I couldn’t do it on my own that my body had betrayed me I was diagnosed with PCOS apparently I was one of the lucky ones as it didn’t affect my fertility any. But it is causing the unwanted pounds to hang on so this Endocrinologist told me the only way I’d ever lose the weight I needed to lose or wanted to lose would be to have Gastric Bypass surgery! Seriously are you kidding me I’m not wanting some surgery that is going to reroute the way my food is dealt with! I don’t like the idea of anyone messing with my internal organs unless it’s a life or death situation and well yes some would say being morbidly obese is life or death but there has to be a better way to get the weight off there has to be a way to get back on track and to blast through platues there has to be! Surgery for me is a last ditch effort I’ll choose only once I have exhausted every other idea under the sun! The move is coming up fast though so I’m going to start out small and make small adjustments! We will be moving out of our house in a few more weeks and then a few weeks later we’ll be on a plane headed home there will be kids to get in school and we’ll have to get settled in sooo once those things are taken care of I can start taking care of getting myself a regular work out routine again and start planning out my meals once again. So here I am once again last time I weighed in I had gotten back up to 285 pounds my feet and ankles are swollen I’m retaining water like a dam! I have my physical coming up next week so we shall see what my doctor has to say. Well it’s time to start my day lots to do!
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