I broke it. I had lasted 6 days and then I went and broke it. I weighed myself and had put on the weight that I had lost and thought to hell with the rules. They obviously aren’t working. I hadn’t been to the loo before hand but it was so dispiriting that I couldn’t bear to go on any longer.
When I say I broke it, I didn’t go all out and order fish and chips for lunch but I didn’t do the ‘plan’. Today was meant to be brown rice, veggies and fruit juice. In a horrendous morning of upset and depression, I rushed out the flat without so much as a coffee. Arriving at the boyfriend’s in need of much love and food. Low and behold he didn’t have any brown rice so I thought ‘All Bran’ would do the trick. Being brown and all? Anyway, one bowl turned into two and then I had some little weetabix crunchy things and a whole weetabix. Before heading into Starbucks to get a latte. (It was a buy one get one free offer!)
This is the point where I probably tell you that I suffer from depression which has been linked to eating disorders, currently ‘fine’ I think I am heading for a downer, if not already cruising toward the bottom of one.
I saw it coming weeks, months back but now I am at the crying all the time stage and can’t seem to lift it. My circumstances at the moment seem to be fine, bar unpleasantness from certain colleagues but other wise I would consider everything fine. Boyfriend fine, parents fine, friends fine, weight not so fine, job not so fine. Mental hospital trip is next week and I will have to wait and see what the consensus is. Other than ‘lose some weight you fat cow’.
Yesterday although breaking the GM Diet plan, I didn’t go full belt. Morning was cereal (whole wheat) and milk (skinny), lunch was leaves and cereal, then supper was fruit, tomato soup, couple of slices of bread (one of which was wholemeal), two dairylea triangles (both light obviously) and then a fat-free bowl of yogurt with a smidgen of honey, with a tea to top. It could have been worse. Perhaps over did it on the carbs but it was the ‘carb’ day on the plan and I was aiming for whole meal rather than refined carbs…
Back to day one, it’s fruit and veg. Easy – I still have my fruit from day three last week. Give me strength to continue for a week two and a poo perhaps.
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