Working on being less, how to put it…FAT. I am a plump 280 pounds and 5 feet 8 inches tall. Doing the math, that equals a BMI of 42, which is double the amount I am supposed to be. I wonder each day why I hurt everywhere; why it is hard to do everything? Really? I have made a verbal commitment before; declaring to everyone in cyber space that I am going to loose x amount of weight before x date. As you can tell by now, that has yet to every happen. I know why too, it is really simple; I am lazy. I make excuses for everything I can, including but not limited to: the laundry, cleaning the bathroom, doing the dishes, cooking dinner, making lunches, grocery shopping, working out, taking my dog out, driving, going to work some days, cleaning the room, washing the carpet (we have a beagle), and pleasuring my husband. In a very large nutshell, I suck as a woman. That is why in my last post I stated that I should be single, but I am already married so it is a little too late for that revelation to have appeared.
My weight is my biggest crutch in which I lean against to get away with being a terrible wife, and therefore human being. I want to remedy that, so the issue is I need to find a good selfish reason to go through with it. I know that may sound terrible, but I get a lot of out being fat. I have learned that no matter how much I say I want to change, until I find that reason to really do it that is all about making myself feel good, I am not going to do it. If this were as simple as saying, “I am going to do this for my husband” it would have been done a year ago. So what is my motivation? I want clothing that fits, I want to look in the mirror and see something that doesn’t make me want to vomit. That is a good start! I want to be able to take boudoir photos like my clients and look as good as they do. There, I will use good old vanity on this one.
I may have a bad motivation to get me started but in the end it will be to improve my marriage and treatment of my husband. We all do what we need to in order to get to where we need to be in life. I need to be a better wife, but I am not going to be able to make a dramatic change overnight, small changes towards it will make it longer lasting changes. Today I will make dinner the minute we walk through the door. I think I will make some lemon chicken, which is a new dish for him so that should make him happy.
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