Most average-sized people don’t understand the difficulties in being overweight. There are the obvious physical health difficulties: high blood pressure, heart disease, heavy breathing, tight clothing, sleep apnea, Type II Diabetes, etc.; but, we suffer a number of psychological difficulties as well.
Maintaining a healthy state of mind is something that I’ve struggled with since my youth and only recently gained control of. I had a really hard time accepting the fact that I was less than perfect. Okay, not perfect, but less than… comparable. I mean, I’m not not trying to attain “perfection” because really, perfection is subjective, or… non-existent. But I only recently learned that. I still hate hating what I look like. I know that I am an amazing person, a fiercely loyal friend, a free-spirit who loves to please, but I don’t think that I have ever truly felt free. That’s what most of us fat girls feel like. I was diagnosed with depression before I turned 13, and even let it get the best of me when I landed in the ICU after swallowing an entire bottle of pills, and yes, I have grown up and wisened-up since then… but it is a struggle and it’s really hard to find inner peace when you’re so dissatisfied with what you look like, when you feel like your outside doesn’t match your inside.
What I know for sure about the overweight population (especially women) is that we tend to be obsessive in every other aspect of our lives – the ones that we can control (i.e. hair, hygiene, academics, work, homelife) – because we’re so out of control of our eating and exercise habits. Most people think we’re just lazy or unmotivated. That’s so not the case. That’s so not the case – with me.
Obesity is the number 1 most preventable cause of death, next to smoking, and the mainstream prejudices concerning the overweight population are not going to fade away any time soon. My point is: Try not to judge. It’s hard enough being a fat girl without the preconceived notions of the heavy-set. And forget what you’ve heard or seen on the internet or daytime talk shows that feature women who claim to be “BIG, BEAUTIFUL and PROUD!” I can almost guarantee that they are not okay being 300+ pounds. Yes, we can feel sexy, too, but no one is okay with being unhealthy like this. No one should be. There is too much life to live to be uncomfortable 90% of the time and being fat is uncomfortable. Anyway, this blog is to clarify what you think you may know about fat girls, but really, you have no idea.
The Top 7 Fat Girl Misconceptions
1. We are very aware that we are big girls and do not like it. At all.
Then, why don’t you do anything about it?
Because losing weight is hard. Not only do some of us have to deal with the bunk deck of cards we were dealt called genes, it also requires a lifestyle change: eating habits, activity habits, sleeping, thinking, fighting self-hatred, all sorts of things and like most of you, we, too, fear change.
We also have to work twice as hard as you do to ensure that everything else looks good. Every hair in place, a pristine nail polishing, pressed clothes. We do it to make up for the one thing we can’t cover up. Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to take a good picture of yourself without feeling or looking like a beast? Let alone finding yourself tagged in a friend’s online photo album with all of your chins in view or your arms looking enormous next to your cute skinny friend. It sucks.
Now every now and again, you may catch the big girl who walks into a room with her head held high like she’s the Queen Bee and sometimes, rightfully so, but most of the time she’s feeling really self- conscious and actually scanning the scene. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done that, just praying that I’m not the fattest person there. I know, it’s a little pathetic and sad, and stressful, and it takes a toll on a gal’s esteem, but we all do it. And even though I may be the only one who realizes that I actually am the only fat girl in the bar, I still sweat it because there’s a possibility that I’m not the only one who notices.
2. Not all fat girls are created equal.
We’re not unmotivated or lazy (all the time). Losing 10 pounds on an average person is very different from losing 10 pounds on a big person. I can lose 10 pounds in a week if I skipped breakfast. Just kidding, but if you’ve watched The Biggest Loser, then you know that this is possible and you’ve probably even seen the contestants lose more. Seriously. Because we carry weight so differently, fluctuating 10-15 pounds is normal for us. And what works for (and against) us, is that you normally don’t notice a difference. At least not until you’ve lost your first 20 lbs. It’s commendable, but also disheartening. It’s a vicious, vicious cycle. Losing a lot of weight in the beginning, losing a little more, plateau, give up. That’s why it’s so hard to stick to it. Like I said, we’re not unmotivated or lazy, we just get discouraged. Sometimes, it just feels better to eat what you want and wallow for a bit.
3. We may envy your small size, but we are not jealous of your skinny girl woes.
We hate listening to skinny girls complain about their weight. The often-nasal sound of a skinny girl pointing out her flaws. Ha. I would probably sacrifice a limb to weigh as much as you skinny bitches do. Well, maybe not a limb, but a finger or a toe… an important one, too, like my thumb or my middle finger, so I don’t flip you off the next time you whine about not fitting into your size 4 jeans. You’re not fat. Shut up.
4. Please don’t try to inflate our fragile egos by lying about the way we look.
We know you love us, but saying things like, “I think you’re fine. I love you no matter what size you are.” Can you see me? Do you realize that the circumference of my thigh may be equal (or greater) than that of your waist? Or that if we ever crashed a plane into a snowy mountainside and I died, you (and the crew) could eat my ass and survive for a whole week? Seriously folks, that’s lunacy. You know I need to lose weight, so let me lose it. I want to be more than the pretty face. I want the pretty ass to match.
5. Not all fat girls dress to offend.
You’ve seen it. The big girl walking in the parking lot with her too short-shorts or the big girl with the cleavage up to her neck. It comes in many forms, and no, we all don’t dress like that. If you are the friend of a plus-sized gal, we need you to tell us when we’re dressed inappropriately. Please be honest. If I’m wearing pants tight enough to showcase my cellulite, a shirt that’s a little too short, or shoes that make my toes look like I stuffed sausages into my strappy heels or my ankles look like ham shanks, please tell me. Thank you.
6. Just because I am plus-sized does not mean that I only date plus-sized men.
Please don’t try to set me up with your beefy friend (for that reason). I mean, I’ll just come out and tell you that it doesn’t always feel good to be larger than the man that you are dating, but I don’t rule people out because they are athletic or lean. As a matter of fact, most of the men I have dated weighed less than I did. I occasionally find the attractive heftier man, but if I said that I didn’t wish the man I was dating had the body of David Beckham or of that young and delicious Robert Pattinson, I’d be lying through my keyboard.
7. Encouraging us to take a break from our healthy, new habits is… mean.
Depriving yourself from something you really want isn’t always necessary, but it is a true test of control. If control was one of my strong points, I wouldn’t be two cheeseburgers and two pitchers of happy hour beer away from 300 pounds. Your support and encouragement to focus on our health goals are a key to our success. If this role is one that you are unable to fulfill, and continue to instigate the consumption of excessive calories, you may end up being (wrongfully) accused for preventing the attainment of prime healthiness and be resented forever. Not really. But the thought will cross our minds.
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So, there they are. The few tidbits of fat girl knowledge I wanted to share with you.
All jokes aside, if you are amidst your weight loss journey or even just starting out, I support you. I’m right there with you, sister. I’m sending you my energy. I’m sending my energy to every girl who wants to lose weight, every girl who wants to feel the freedom of goal realization, every girl who truly wants to feel free.
